bilingual my ass. you’re either heterolingual or homolingual
Stoya on the Metaphysics of Cocksucking (via VICE)
“What’s your number-one tip for giving the best blowjob?”
This question drives me insane. I usually pause to shoot murderous looks at whichever PR person has set up the interview before responding. I have two sound-bite-sized answers: “Don’t chomp down on the dick unless the person it’s attached to has expressed a desire for that sort of thing,” and “Experiment, communicate, and pay attention.” Usually the reporter doesn’t like either answer. They want to hear something about Altoids or strawberry-flavored lube. They want to know some secret for controlling a man through his orgasm, as though making your boyfriend ejaculate at will is some sort of way to turn them into the perfect mate. They want a detailed description of the magical three-button move that works on everyone. If something like putting slight pressure on the taint with my left thumb while using the fingers of that hand to gently cup the balls and slurping on the head of the cock with the exact suction tension of my mom’s twelve-year-old Hoover worked like a charm on every single penis, I would never, ever spend 45 minutes of my life on a porn set trying to be understanding and sensitive, while the male talent I’m working with struggles to maintain an erection or ejaculate because he’s having a really bad day.
My Brother Mansplains Female Sexuality
The other day, my brother, who has always thought my feminism and queer support is something fun to mock, ended up having a conversation with me about female sexuality. We got onto the topic by talking about lesbians, during which my brother said he “didn’t get them, because how do they know when to stop?”
Disbelievingly, I suggested “when they orgasm?”
And my brother, thinking he knows more than me, goes “yeah, but woman can have multiple orgasms, so how do they know when it’s time to stop?”
“Well, how do you know when sex is over?” I ask.
“When I orgasm,” he says proudly.
“But what about the woman? What if she still hasn’t orgasmed?”
“It doesn’t matter.” I stare at him in disbelief.
“What do you mean it doesn’t matter? Wouldn’t you return the favor and bring her to orgasm?” And my brother laughs at me.
“No, see, the thing about woman is they don’t care about orgasms—they’re just as happy snuggling.”
“…so if a woman got off and then stopped having sex with you, would you be happy?”
“But you wouldn’t go down on a woman who hasn’t gotten off yet.”
“No, because then I’m not in the mood anymore, and it’s gross!!”
When I told him that assuming a woman is content with just snuggling and not reaching sexual fulfillment is a very flawed assumption, he accused me of not knowing anything because I’m a virgin, and obviously therefore don’t know what female sexuality really is. And that, anyway, “most girls get off in the middle of sex anyway so it’s not a problem.”
As a recap, my brother mansplained that: a) lesbians apparently can’t figure out when to have sex because a man’s not there to tell them he’s orgasmed and it’s time to stop, b) that woman are always always content with snuggling over reaching sexual fulfillment, c) a guy should never have to get a woman off after he himself has orgasmed, d) my opinion on female sexuality is totally null because I’m a virgin, and e) women almost always get off in the middle of sex and it’s a rarity if they don’t finish before a guy.
I took this last year, but in retrospect, I think it’s my strongest piece from high school.
Working on this project really made me examine my own opinions, preconceptions and prejudices about “slutty” women and women who choose to cover all of their skin alike. I used to assume that all women who wore Hijabs were being oppressed, slut-shame, and look down on and judge any woman who didn’t express her sexuality in a way that I found appropriate.
I’d like to think I’m more open now.
Source: Flickr / roseaposey
How lesbians signal for other lesbians.
if you look closely, in the background, there is a faint second rainbow. here we see the response of a second lesbian. this lesbian will soon sense the response and make her journey across the unforgiving terrain in hopes to mate. let’s hope she makes it. the future of the lesbian population depends on it.
I always thought they shouted “YOU’RE A WANKER NUMBER NINE” to signal each other.
Apparently, this is a brothel “menu” from 1912.
Sitting on prick, shoving in stones and all
One female suckoff, stones in mouth
so that was how they said BALLS DEEP 100 years ago.
just what the hell were they doing with dicks back then and why weren’t these arts passed down through the generations?
“If you are not a self-starter, stay at home and jack yourself off.”
“must stay out of poop hole”
Free back scuttling while woman rubs your nuts with a feather, must stay out of poop hole
Ass hole fucking for men over 45
Bob cocks and flat pricks, extra
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
oh my GOD
Ohhhh, so there’s a name for that.
there’s a fiddling cat at the bottom of the page
there can be no more day after this. g’night
Don’t Tell, Show of the Day: After a photo of US Marine Brandon Morgan being welcomed home by his partner Dalan went viral in a big way on Facebook, Morgan issued the following response to the thousands of comments it generated:
To everyone who has responded in a positive way. My partner and I want to say thank you. Dalan, the giant in the photo, can’t believe how many shares and likes we have gotten on this. We didn’t do this to get famous,or something like that we did this cause after 3 deployments and four years knowing each other, we finally told each other how we felt. As for the haters, let em hate…to quote Kat Williams, everyone needs haters, so let them hate. We are the happiest we have ever been and as for the whole PDA and kissing slash hugging in uniform…it was a homecoming, if the Sergeants Major, Captains, Majors, and Colonels around us didn’t care…then why do you care what these random people have to say?